Attitude of pre-Marriage couples towards marriage
Females prefer the male partner to be elder than them and not look much for family background but should be similar to her family background. When respondents were asked to rank the three most desirable personal traits they picked “loyalty” and dedication to the family. A marriage further needs to be maintained and strengthens. But this phenomenon takes time so that both partners can thoroughly understand each other’s problems and nature, which will help them to strengthen their relationship. There is a need of personal sacrifice to fulfill the needs of one’s spouse.
All the respondents acknowledge the importance of direct communication between spouses. In the end a slight majority 51% respondents rejected the traditional notion that wife should be accommodating and subservient to her husband in order to avoid conflict in their marriage. (Weeks 2001, p. 69-70) In recent time rate of divorce has noticeable increased. Some people account that to time and places, for instance physical separation between spouses due to migration of husband due to his job or nature of business.
Because of this distance other partner by nature trying to involve in third person to fulfill their desires. On the overall, there is consensus among the respondents regarding what they perceived as the threat to the marriage stability. If one of both feels that in case of unsatisfactory relationship, divorce would be a better option. , 82% respondents rejected this notion as this decision should be made by both partner no by one or dominant partner. If somebody makes such decision single handedly it would not be better for welfare of his or her children.
Recent researches have shown that separation of parents leave a negative impact on children subconscious mind and his development. (Wilson 1995, p. 64) Who would be responsible for failure of marriage? In some societies like Chinese culture women’s subservience to her husband was regarded as a female virtue. A good wife is who accommodates to needs and wants of her husband. Men can divorce her wife and it is considered to be shameful for female being divorced. But all the respondents 98% suggested that failure of marriage is not only due to female mistake.
Most of the respondents argue that both male and female confront same stigma and after the divorce both have problem in social adjustment. The overall picture suggests a considerable shift towards women as it was in the past. (Young 1995, p. 133-134) In he recent times do male and female married for the sake of children? What will be motive behind the marriage? In general respondent have positive view of having children after marriage. About 60% of respondents said that parenthood enhance the level of marital satisfaction and spouses have more communication between them as they have children.
If they want a better future of their children then with mutual understanding they have to discuss this topic, which obviously increase the level of understanding to each other. Conflict emerges when one of them tries to discharge his/her parental responsibility. Some of the respondents said that they would enjoy the companionship of children and it will also enhance the mutual understanding of wife and husband. But there is a group of respondents who said having child would create more problems like cost involved in raising children, financial responsibility, less personal freedom and more burden.
Overall most of the respondents considered many social and personal factors involved in childbearing decisions. (Shaoyuan 2008, p. 82) The topic of the sex have been discussed often times. About 84-90% respondents considered pre marital sex for both male and female unacceptable. About half of the respondent was in the favor of the pre marital sex even if both partner have no plans to marry yet. But if the relationship reached to a stage where in near future marriage is expected then 70% respondents approved pre-marital sex.
So respondents judged the pre-marital sex on the basis of the quality of relationship before marriage. There needs to be re-alignment between sex and love, and sex and marriage in these days. But in past pre-marital sex was not allowed even if both the partner is engaged. So our respondents have given modern and enlighten view regarding sex and marriage. . (Pinsof 2002, p. 67) Gender comprises a variety of differences between both spouses extending from the natural to the social. Organically, the male gender is defined by the occurrence of a Y-chromosome, and its nonexistence in the female gender.
However, there is debate as to the degree that the biological divergence has or necessitates differences in gender roles in civilization and on gender identity, which has been clear as “an individual’s self-conception as being male or female, as eminent from actual biological sex. ” Historically, feminism has posited that many sexual characteristics are socially constructed, and lack a clear biological explanation. In mate selection the females proffered a spouse who has higher social status than her. Although in this respect the male respondents are less status conscious than female counterpart.
They prefer to marry women who are younger than them and have good socio-economic status. Regarding the personal attribute of an ideal spouse both groups look for gendered stereotyped traits. An idea husband is considered to be a good dependable family provider and an ideal wife should be a caring women. Female respondent were against the opinion that they don’t work and cannot support to their families. As in some societies there are reservation regarding working women. Because of the natural male dominance inheritance they tried to dominate upon their female partner and often times not involved female in making family decision.
Most proportion of the male is not ready to give their dominance power to women. Even in some societies this kind of activity is considered to be embarrassing for men. The traditional value of marriage for women is more because of the fact that women have to lose more in case of divorce, but this ratio is less for male respondents. Female respondents are more concerned about their marriage than that of male counterpart (Weeks 2001, p. 145). Keeping in view the egalitarian value of marriage more female respondent than male respondents rejected the view those women would be more responsible for marriage failure than male.
But in this study we have seen that female respondent is more conservative towards pre-marital sex. There were more female respondents who rejected the existence of causal sex, sex between lovers or pre-marital sex. Also female are found more conservative for having sex with anybody despite of the partner but other side of the picture is not look same. Women dislike having pre-marital sex with their future spouse or their future spouse to have sex with another person. (Pinsof 2002, p. 103)
So at the bottom of this article we are of view that family life education workers should adopt a open view towards pre-marital sex and young adults have to accept pre-marital sex in relational context. Every elder have the responsibility to guide the youngster or teenagers how to understand and manage their sexuality and importance of it in close relationship before or within the marriage. Pre-marital counseling should address the need of those marital couples that have already had sexual relationship. Helping teenager to understand the need and utilization of pre-marital sex, under which conditions they can go for this.
On the other hand family life education workers should prepare the young adults to understand their role and re-examine the gender ideology according to their attitude and family structure and their social environment. This could help the pre-marital couples to explore the patterns of shared love and understanding and mutually satisfying each other. They should have to inject the traditional value of commitment, responsibility care and understanding among teenagers, which would create peace and harmony in their married life. (Fulcher 2007, p. 149)
The pre-marital counseling should provide the forum of engaged couples to explore meaning of marriage to them, helping them to understand the ideology of marriage and how to cope with their spouses. They should also be provided how to cope with their parents and other family member after their married life to promote harmony in their family as well as in the society.
Word count: 2502 References Cheung, Fanny M (2008), Mainstreaming Gender in Hong Kong, The Chinese University Press, Hong Kong. Fulcher, James and Scott, John (2007), Sociology, Oxford University Press, London.
Pinsof, William (2002), Marriage in the 20th Century in Western Civilization: Trends, Research, Therapy, and Perspectives Volume 41 Number 2, Wiley-Blackwell, Washington. Shaoyuan, Wanyan (2008), Exploring Traditional Marriages Customs in China, McGraw-Hill Eduction, NY. Young, Katherine P. H (1995), Understanding Marriage: A Hong Kong Case Study , Hong Kong University Press, Hong Kong. Wilson, Douglas (1995), Reforming Marriage, Canon Press, New Jersey. Weeks, Gerald R (2001), Couples in Treatment, Routledge, NY.