I I confronted my “Ex” about this matter

I got my idea from my personal
experience. I was in a relationship, where our most used means of communication
consisted of texting. We would text each other very frequently, but as time
went on, we began to text less. This caused less communication, more unspoken
problems and ultimately the Break up. Normally, one would be upset or sad
however this didn’t happen to me. On the other had this got me thinking as to where
and how it all when wrong. I decided to look into the matter to know if it was
the means of which we were communicating that were the issue. What I found peeked
my interest and seemed plausible, but as I confronted my “Ex” about this matter
we found the this was in fact the case. Seemingly enough it all made sense and
we had concluded that this in fact was the reason why we broke up. As I looked
further into the matter I thought that this would be interesting knowledge that
I found deemed worthy of sharing, as this seemed like a common matter for many
Teenagers nowadays.

Professor Theresa E. DiDonto of Loyola University is a social
psychologist. Her work focuses on different aspects of romantic relationships,
factors that contribute to romantic attraction and relationship satisfaction. She
wrote on psychology today an article saying that “For many people, texting
is a major source of relationship communication. People age 17 to 25 tend to
text their romantic interests more than older individuals do (Coyne, Stockdale,
Busby, Iverson, & Grant, 2011)” stating that for many younger individuals
texting does play a major role in the communicative area of a relationship. This
implies that texting is an important factor in a relationship. DiDonto also
stated that in a survey conducted by Schade, Sandberg, Bean, Busby, & Coyne
in 2013 that 90 percent of teenager’s text their partners at least once a day
and 20 percent texting their partners 30 times per hour or more during
after-school hours. 1

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A parallel article written by Michael S. Tardiff of the University
of Maine stated similar facts saying, that according to Jayne Blanchard of livestrong.com, around 75 percent of
Teenagers aged 12 to 17 own cellphones. 75 percent of those teenagers send text
messages and more than half of those teenager’s text on a daily basis. 50
percent of these send more than 50 messages a day and around 33 percent send
more than 100 messages a day. So, give the severity of this data the Tardiff
stated that texting does have an impact on relationships, disregarding whether
it being a romantic, a friendship or even a family relationship, but more on
that later.2

DiDonto says that nowadays
for Millennials, texting has become a socially accepted way of flirting,
checking in, gossip, generally a very reliable way of communication. It is
becoming an essential part of their everyday lives and with reason. For
cellphones and smartphones have made communicating easier than ever before.
Talking to someone is now only one click away, but some say that due to the
easy access of communication side affects form. Katie D. Anderson, mother of
two and author of the two young adult novels “KISS” and “MAKE UP”, says that due
to the ease of the communication ways the mystery or the ability to miss
someone is fading as they are always available for there partners. For some
cases, she said, that due to the amount of texting the participants have, no
more topics or things to talk about when they actually are together, face to
face.3 So,
although Texting is useful overdoing it leads to dissatisfaction in the
relationships. As DiDonto said: “This can be a healthy pattern if it creates a
balanced sense of connection and dependence, but if instead individuals begin
to feel an overdependence, such that the texting is preventing them from other
activities—like attending to other relationships; meeting academic or career
responsibilities, or even seeing each other in person—the outcome is
dissatisfaction (Hall & Baym, 2012).”4

However, there are more
advantages to Texting, DiDonto named three advantages:

Texting does
not require spontaneous wit; texters have some time to think and carefully
craft clever messages.

Text messages
are void of nonverbal signals, allowing texters to communicate the message they
wish to send without concern that unintended nonverbal signals (sweaty hands,
shaky voice, etc.) are polluting their message.

·       Texting is easy; in-person conversations can be

What DiDonto meant was
generally texting is easier than normal talking. In texting you have more time
to think of a response to someone’s questions, you don’t have to be worried if
you’re breath smells and for those who have trouble talking to people in person
this is a solution for them. For some it is complicated to multitask in for a
in-person conversation, for example saying Hello while deciding how to greet
(Kiss, hug, handshake, etc.). So, it is considerably easier to text instead of
undergoing these difficulties.

Still, these aren’t the
only reasons why Teenagers prefer texting than normal face to face interaction.
They use texting as a method to “test the waters” as DiDonto said. Texting gives
of a type of casual approach and helps in easing a rejection. It helps in finding
out if the potential partner is interested or not. DiDonto also mentioned in her
article that the typical sequence for dating relationships nowadays goes as followed:

First, two
people meet in person and then check out each other’s Facebook profiles and
become Facebook friends.

Next, one
requests the other’s phone number and they begin texting.

continues until at some point one invites the other to a social event in a group
setting; at this point they might begin engaging in Facebook messaging as well.

Eventually, a
phone call or in-person date will be arranged (Fox & Warber, 2013)6

However, although texting
has its advantages it also has its disadvantages. So, that means what some
consider as advantages others consider liabilities. It is estimated that nearly
17 million Adults suffer/ suffered at some point in there lives from Social Anxiety
Disorder or Social Phobia and that is in the United States alone7.  Texting eliminates the human interaction part
of talking to people, which means that for those who have these Social Anxiety issues
have a lesser chance of actually overcoming them. David Shanley said on “World of
Psychology” that in order to overcome Shyness and Social Anxiety people have to
engage with one another and have a genuine human interaction with another
person. Not to mention the countless misinterpretations that lead to even more
anxiety, for example when a potential partner sends a confusing message to the
receiver, the receiver freaks out goes looking for help on the internet and
finds this:

 Which lead to
even more confusion and anxiety.

Further, texting allows a
so called psychological distance, which means that due to not being face to
face a party is able to express something which would be considerably hard to say
in person. This is often used to talk about difficult and sensitive topics, to
intentionally hurt or apologize to the partner. DiDonto says that this is
typically used in newer relationships as this distance allows them to say which
is difficult to say in person. According to DiDonto’s article one in five texters
had been broken up with via Text. It is universally well known that breaking up
via Text is unacceptable and inappropriate, but despite the number of which it
occurs is still very high. DiDonto also stated that people who send and receive
these texts often end up building greater attachment anxiety. Which means that
the senders and receivers end up having more commitment issues, such as a deep
seated fear of rejection and abandonment, as well as a lower sense of self










1 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201403/is-constant-texting-good-or-bad-your-relationship

2 https://www.theodysseyonline.com/how-texting-affects-realtionships

3 https://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-d-anderson/teen-texting-the-ruin-of-romance_b_3763576.html

4 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201403/is-constant-texting-good-or-bad-your-relationship

5 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201403/is-constant-texting-good-or-bad-your-relationship

6 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201403/is-constant-texting-good-or-bad-your-relationship

7 https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-ways-to-overcome-shyness-and-social-anxiety/