Satirical Essay Rough Copy Recently, cigarettes have been getting a bad rap. No one seems to understand that the real problem at hand is not the negative effects of smoking cigarettes, but those who abstain from smoking cigarettes. These people are nothing but a nuisance, a lousy bunch of no-gooders that just want to ruin your fun. In fact, smoking cigarettes is an activity that the entire population can benefit from. The world relies on the production and consumption of tobacco, and there are many positives of smoking that outweigh the negatives.
For example, smokers dedicate a large portion of their life buying packs upon packs of cigarettes, which in turn gives a huge profit to the country. Surely if you consider yourself a patriot, you would take up smoking cigarettes. These non-smokers are the exact opposite, and will remind you of the risks of cancer and other diseases from smoking; but no one truly wants to live forever, and if you smoke, you won’t have to. You will also most likely notice how unpopular and unattractive these non-smokers are compared to those who smoke.
It’s a well known fact that smoking makes people look better, as it gives people a rebellious, non-conformist persona. So, taking everything into account, you should smoke because it increases the wealth of the economy, it helps end an otherwise meaningless life, and you’ll look cool doing it. Everyone knows that it’s a great thing to participate in the economy. The tobacco industry and all of its related products are a billion dollar enterprise, and if it were to fall, it would take a huge blow to the already poor economy. However, what keeps this dire part of the economy alive is the dedication of thousands of smokers.
Party poopers that have raised awareness against the evils of cigarette smoking have dwindled the faithful smoking community, not knowing that their addictions keep the country alive and well. They also ruin the lives of those that have jobs in the various sectors of cigarette production, causing them to go broke more and more every year. Would you want to be responsible for the elimination of so many jobs? Without the common smoker, who will buy things like teeth whitener and bad breathe killing gum? Surely coffee drinkers can’t bare that burden alone. With the increase of cigarette smoking, not only will the sales of hem help the economy, but so will the increase of jobs in manufacturing, tobacco farming, and many other great career paths. Now, onto the topic of the supposed “life threatening” risks of smoking cigarettes that people have been so vocal about. People that smoke aren’t oblivious to these risks; they’re clearly printed on the front of every pack. If a smoker isn’t going to listen to all of these scientific sources, what makes them think they would listen to you? The truth is, most smokers know that smoking is killing them, and they should accept this fact willingly.
Smokers get to experience the wondrous effects of cigarettes throughout their lifetime, and won’t have to live until they’re inevitable senility. Smokers know that living until they’re old is pointless, because when you’re old you lose even more relevancy than you had when you were young. Pick up smoking and die early, so that you can preserve your dignity instead of being laughed at as a feeble old man/woman. Furthermore, the world is overpopulated as it is; what’s a few lives taken from cancer here and there going to do? If anything, it will help keep the population in check. Everyone who’s anyone in the history of the world has smoked.
For some time, smoking was portrayed in the media (TV shows, films, etc) to give off a look that would be interpreted as “cool”. This undoubtedly worked, which is why smokers are looked at as cool nowadays. It especially gives men a very important edge to their look; toughness. Any male celebrity that has ever lived has used smoking as a tool to look tough; for example, the cast of the movie The Outsiders. Everyone knows that you shouldn’t mess around with a guy that smokes. It gives people the look of a rebellious, non conforming person that just doesn’t care about other peoples opinions.
That’s the exact point you want to get across to those who don’t want to join the superior smoking community. Some say that smoking promotes peer pressure, and forces kids to fit in with others at school. Well, it’s definitely better than being unpopular and unattractive. People that say things like that are clearly jealous of how relaxed and easy-going the smoker crowd is. Cigarette smokers don’t deserve the backlash that they have gotten in modern society. People are trying to shun out and eliminate smokers in an attempt to better society, when they don’t even know that they’re digging their own graves instead.
Those who don’t smoke are oblivious to the more important positive effects of smoking. Our economy would crumble without cigarettes, and would result in the crumbling of our entire nation. Without cigarettes, people will continue to live their miserable lives and grow into feeble old men and women, and become the subject of ridicule. Without cigarettes, no one would know what it feels like to be popular, or what it feels like to look like all of the cool people in the media. The differences are clear, now it’s up to you to make the obvious, superior choice.